The Spiderwick Chronicles

The Spiderwick Chronicles was a disappointment. Not that it looked wonderful, but I’d hoped it would be at least okay. It was pretty dreadful. Based on a series of books that made a bit of a splash in the US book market, it was Bridge to Terabithia without the charm and emotional manipulation; it was every bit as cynical, exploitative and unoriginal, but with even flatter characters, even less individual thought and magical creatures that really made you groan with their obvious goofiness. There was no intelligence, cleverness or warmth here. It was actually quite embarrassing to be watching such a poor film.

Three kids and their mother, from a Speilberg-derived broken home, move into a creepy old house. Bumps in the night lead the most outgoing kid to find a book and undo its magical binding. Turns out a big ogre wants that book, and the knowledge of the weaknesses of all magical creatures within, and now the kids have to fend off goblins and trolls with tomato ketchup, all the while trying to get Mum to believe them.

The plotting is sloppy – why take the book with them? To convince someone they speak the truth…which they could have done very easily without it (and, indeed, do). They go to see Spiderwick himself, and when they finally see him face-to-face, what does he tell them? ‘Oh, you can deal with it.’ It all just seems like delaying the climax, which comes with turgid inevitability and the film ends. The magical life is all unsightly and derivative, the consistency of the nasty creatures’ attacks changing power dependant on plot, and the overall story just totally bland. The only good thing I can say about it is that it makes me want to write!

And then there’s Freddie Highmore. A gifted young actor with an interesting look about him, unfortunately here cast as two identical twins. This was just a very bad idea: Highmore, already struggling somewhat to show emotion with an American accent, has to try and show a bond between two very different twins with them noticeably barely touching each other. He’s a good actor, and I’m still looking forward to hearing him in the new Astro Boy movie, but he doesn’t quite pull this off. Jared was believable, but trying to contrast Simon with his brother by making him timid and sensitive just looks contrived and, more because of writing than this uneven performance, Simon just seemed totally unnecessary to the film. At least the sister provided some muscle: otherwise, Jared just did everything.

This was nowhere near a good film, and I imagine the book is similarly dull and unimaginative. It seems such a shame that this is the kind of thing publishers and film studios seem to think will sell.

At least there’s Prince Caspian to look forward to…